how to calm down and be yourself

how to calm down and be yourself

All people are worried about something: an illness, a quarrel, a change of job or place of residence. But sometimes our anxiety accumulates and turns into an obstacle that prevents us from achieving our career goals. Paradox: in addition to real danger, we often anticipate a potential threat, and in our eyes it begins to look more serious than it really is.

My name is Veronika, I am the head of the analytics department. This article was inspired by Kathleen Smith’s book Managing Anxiety. It became a discovery for me, so I recommend the book to read. I did not realize how anxious I was: unfounded fears prevented me from moving forward for a very long time.

Typical anxious thoughts of the analyst:

  • The manager will find a jamb in the assignment and dismiss.

  • I will come with a question to the developer, and he will think that I am stupid.

  • I will never be hired for another job.

  • The customer is not involved in our conversation, something is wrong with me.

We are all very different, each of us has our own “anxiety sensor”. Mine went through the roof from any sideways glance and the slightest expression of displeasure from a colleague-analyst, developer, manager, Customer. At some point, I realized that in order to become a leader, I needed to change my strategy and learn to live with my anxiety.

I want to tell you about my experience with anxiety throughout my career as an analyst. In the article, I will analyze how I became an analyst, why it is so important to calm down, what opportunities I lost due to anxiety, what successes I achieved by learning to negotiate with my anxiety. I hope my example will help someone to move forward, because everything is not as scary as it sometimes seems. When there is no anxiety, a truly bottomless ocean of energy opens up.

The first interview

I never liked interviews, and both sides: neither passing them nor conducting them. My anxiety usually made any interview a living hell.

Situation: I am looking for a job as an analyst after graduating from a prestigious university with an IT specialty. I went for only one interview and was rejected. After the first unsuccessful attempt, I chose the strategy of responding only to vacancies in related professions: project administrator and technical writer. It seemed to me that I had a better chance of finding a job. In the end, I landed my first job as a technical writer, not an analyst, as I had dreamed.

The interview is an inevitable stage of the search. After working through the bugs, I now understand that:

1) Rejection stimulates anxiety. But you should not succumb to it, it is better to look at the situation objectively – you can calmly survive the rejection.

2) Do not embellish your abilities. I tried really hard to look smart and knowledgeable in the interview, but that’s what caused me to fail. Have you ever embellished your skills and knowledge at an interview? There it is, anxiety. I was asked about microservices design, but choreography and orchestration was my swimming.

Years later, I changed my approach to interviews. I started to push away from what I want, and only then see how it correlates with the wishes of the employer. I focused on myself and my professional goals, and before the main goal was to please a potential employer. The new approach made it possible to reduce anxiety, and accordingly increased the number of successfully completed interviews.

I am an analyst. Relations with colleagues

There was constant anxiety in the office. Moreover, it was not only me who was worried, but also my colleagues. Otherwise, how do you explain that the project manager is asking me to stay at work via Telegram, even though we just had coffee together? The easiest way to get rid of anxiety is to run away from it physically or emotionally. It turns out that the manager distanced himself from me, preferring to communicate unpleasant news in correspondence rather than in person, despite close personal communication. At meetings, fellow analysts constantly argued over whose task it was, which of the boys should deliver it. Conflicts were temporarily dismissed as an alarm, because if the opponent is wrong, then I can calm down. We discussed our “front man”, but no one could tell him in person that he was doing a bad job. By discussing it among ourselves, we relieved the tension for a short time. I did the work for the intern analyst, although I could give him a chance to learn how to do the tasks himself. Of course, because it’s easier for me to do everything myself than to anxiously watch his clumsy attempts to do the work.

What this scenario led to:

— I was constantly thinking about how developers and fellow analysts would evaluate my tasks. Internally, there were doubts about whether my production was detailed enough or correctly described from a development point of view.

— If I knew that my task would be proofread by a senior analyst, I spent more time than usual on rewriting the task statement. But if you think about it, you could have saved three times more at that moment. I was afraid that I would not live up to expectations, that I would not cope, that I would not meet the high standards.

— I wanted to distance myself from the manager, who expected quality results from me.

— I constantly pretended that I could do more than I really did. It takes a lot of energy! It is very difficult to wear the mask of a competent analyst every day.

— Competitors and rivals flickered in every colleague.

When I came to the office and no one greeted me, my anxious thinking told me: They all don’t like you! The fear of being neglected made me mistakenly think that my colleagues did not accept me. In fact, everything turned out differently, it was worth taking the first step towards colleagues. When arguments and chaos broke out at the analyst meeting, anxiety told me, “You need to get things organized!”, even though this is a normal work process, not all people are as organized as I am.

What helped to correct the situation? First of all, I tried to change my attitude towards the team. I began to treat my colleagues as a team with which we have common goals, I stopped seeing people as competitors, and began to get closer. I started looking for support from my colleagues, stopped waiting for praise, and reacted sharply to criticism. In general, I calmed down. It brought me closer to the feeling of “being myself” and normalized relationships in the team. Energy began to go to the task, and not to anxiety.

I succumbed. Relations with the manager

My anxiety manifested itself most strongly in relations with the manager.

I was constantly waiting for his approval, and if it didn’t come, I thought I didn’t do the job well. When the manager showed more attention to a colleague-analyst, I started to get jealous. Sharp statements provoked thoughts that I was about to be fired, and I went to update my resume. After such situations, I began to avoid the manager, tried to solve the issue without him, which clearly did not benefit the common cause.

I tried to abstract myself and look at the situation from the side. Self-analysis showed: in fact, I am a good analyst, but very restless! If I don’t squirm through each message, don’t rewrite the task statement 100 times, choosing the words, don’t avoid the manager, but solve the issue with him directly, then I will have more time in the same time. It was necessary to shift the focus from the outside to oneself, one’s work.

I saw a pattern: the boss praises – I feed on praise, the boss is indifferent – I feel uncomfortable. To abstract in my case meant to stop treating him as a source of approval or condemnation, and to see him simply as a person and a colleague. I no longer felt threatened by my supervisor, it became easier to resolve disagreements, and my productivity increased.

I am the manager. Leadership in the team

And so I became the head of the analytics department. Immediately after taking office, I set about rewriting regulations and changing processes. But instead of teamwork, she met resistance to new ideas.

As a reaction, my anxious control turned on: I checked the statuses of the tasks with the analyst 5 times a day, went into the details of the productions. It seemed to me that the analysts were careless about maintaining the project’s knowledge base, so I constantly checked it, added something there myself at night. I started to get really derailed by corporate events during working hours, which made me feel like they were the reason we weren’t able to close the sprint on time.

I was very annoyed that subordinates performed tasks less efficiently than I did. I compared myself to them and thought that I would have done things differently, faster and better. At the same time, concentrating on their tasks, I did not see mine. Deadlines were constantly pushed, deadlines and processes burned… And I started to burn out, too. I began to reflect: on the one hand, my personal anxiety and the thought “I am not successful” led to the new position, on the other hand, my anxiety as a novice manager collided with the experiences of employees.

I had to change something in my approach again. It finally dawned on me that I was taking on too much:

— I control analysts excessively.

— Lisa for help before the analyst comes with a question.

— I do all serious and urgent tasks myself, worrying that the analyst will not be able to cope or simply will not have time.

— I deal with the tasks of analysts more often than the tasks of the head of the analytics department.

– She lost her work-life balance.

Start delegating

I knew and heard about delegation, but in difficult situations I began to panic, pulling the blanket from the analysts on myself. Of course, the analysts were only happy that I was taking some of their work, and they willingly gave it to me. At the moment it calmed me down, but I also understood that a little more and I would suffocate. And then, doing work for the boys, I prevented them from developing and growing professionally.

I tried to change my focus and focus on the long term. If I spend time and give the analyst the opportunity to figure out the task, then next time he will do it himself, freeing me 4 working hours. If this task is not done as well as I would like, the team as a whole does not lose anything. Therefore, let the analyst do it, and with experience he will learn to perform it with the best quality. So, negotiating with my anxiety, I started delegating.

Give more attention to less efficient employees

Since I became a manager, my time to communicate with the team has decreased significantly. I had a superstitious attitude: communication with leading analysts leads to success, and I avoided less productive analysts – so it was easier to turn a blind eye to problems in the team. However, I soon noticed that they were annoyed by my increased attention to the leaders and this made me turn around 180 degrees. Despite my internal discomfort, I went to get closer, because the only chance to even out relations in the team is communication. The disturbing confrontation has subsided.

Control your emotions

It was very difficult to remain calm in those moments when I felt that the analysts did not understand my innovations. I was upset, offended. And if earlier I tried to explain to everyone that the new regulations make work easier, now I chose to focus on myself. The realization that only I control my emotions has led to the understanding that I am not responsible for the emotions of subordinates. I don’t have to convince them and please them, I have to cover my work goals. I can express myself, but I cannot force everyone to agree with me.

Conclusions

1) Anxiety is the body’s innate ability to react to real or potential danger.

2) Most often, anxiety becomes a barrier that prevents us from moving forward, developing, reaching new heights.

3) By focusing on ourselves and our professional goals, instead of looking outward, we reduce anxiety and allow ourselves to take a step forward.

4) Stop treating a colleague, manager as a source of approval or condemnation, try to see him as just a person. This will reduce anxiety, it will become easier to resolve differences, negotiate, and communicate.

5) Define your principles and, relying on them, you will be able to overcome anxiety and make an important decision for yourself.

6) Don’t take on too much. Overload leads to burnout and your employees will not grow.

7) You are not responsible for the emotions of your subordinates. Do not seek approval, act according to your principles and professional goals.

8) Group resistance is normal. Trust your gut, not your anxiety.

9) Learn to deal with your anxiety and nothing will stop you on your way!

Related posts