Elon Musk does not want a cyber apocalypse, and Muslims were forbidden to trade with a shoulder

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Russian online bank Tinkoff has decided to end its trendy technology-focused approach and make customers go to a branch to close an individual investment account. Meanwhile, the council of ulema of the Spiritual Administration of Muslims of the Russian Federation has decided that trading with the shoulder and shorting shares is “haram” (forbidden). The head of the National Bank of Saudi Arabia, Ammar al-Khudayri, who bought into failing Credit Suisse in a deal that resulted in the loss of 80% of the invested money, has been nominated for the Darwin Financial Prize. Elon Musk and other prominent figures have called for experiments with artificial intelligence to be stopped for six months.

Elon Musk does not want a cyber apocalypse, and Muslims were forbidden to trade with a shoulder

Almost all the most important and interesting financial news in Russia and the world in a week: Tinkoff no longer wants to be a trendy technology bank, Interactive Brokers scares Russians once again, a guy from the Emirates was nominated for the Darwin Financial Prize, and Sam Bankman-Fried has new criminal articles.

Financial news from Russia, unfortunately, mostly does not correspond to the spirit of Habra. So you can read the full text version of this news release here, or watch the video.

Tinkoff decided he no longer wanted to cosplay a branchless online bank

Tinkoff has always been proud of the fact that it is the most technologically advanced bank – after all, you can order a new card or open a brokerage account with it literally with a tap of your finger on your phone!

But last week it suddenly became clear that now to close an IIS (individual investment account) for some reason you have to go personally to the Tinkoff office and write an old-school statement with a blue ballpoint pen.

Quote from Tinkoff’s official website. As they say: to close the IIS, you need to go to the nearest branch, but there is a nuance.

Here’s how: it’s nice to be a stylish, fashionable and youthful techno-bank at a time when customers bring money to the bank en masse; but when, on the contrary, they decide en masse to remove them from there, it is already much more profitable to turn into a condo rural branch of Oschadbank from the 90s.

Russian Muslims are now cut off from shoulder trading

The council of ulema of the Spiritual Administration of Muslims of the Russian Federation has decided: trading with the shoulder and shorting shares is haram! But the ordinary purchase of shares and long-term investing were recognized as completely halal activities.

I could not refrain from a quote from the RBC material (DUM here is not a cult game of childhood, but it is the Spiritual Administration of Muslims, if anything!)

I am looking forward to the “how to become a competent Muslim trader in 6 weeks” courses.

The nominee for the Darwin Financial Prize has been revealed

The head of the National Bank of Saudi Arabia, Ammar al-Khudayri, claims the title of financial loser of the year. In 2022, he came up with a “profitable” purchase of 10% of the Credit Suisse bank for one and a half billion dollars. Then, when the Swiss giant faltered in March 2023, the same Ammar stupidly blurted out in an interview something like “haha, of course we won’t recapitalize this rapid bank, are we stupid??” It is clear that after that, Credit Suisse immediately worsened even more – it can be said that this was the final straw on the camel’s hump.

Well, the culmination of this story was the purchase of Credit Suisse by UBS at a ridiculous price, which led to the loss of approximately 80% of the invested money by the Saudi National Bank.

Ammar al-Khudayri: your face, when in less than a year he personally bailed out the main bank of his country for a billion dollars

And last week, our handsome Ammar finally decided that he has already achieved all the impressive successes in his position, there are no new fiery ideas – so it’s time to leave the position. He left, so to speak, undefeated!

Interactive Brokers scares the Russians once again

The most popular foreign broker, Interactive Brokers, sent a new letter of happiness to Russians: this time, that Russians were forbidden to trade with the shoulder (take margin loans). And it’s not even just for Muslims – for everyone!!

However, if you prove to the broker that you no longer physically live in the Russian Federation or Belarus, then so be it, they will allow you to trade again.

It should be noted that this is another alarm bell for everyone who tries to invest abroad while in Russia.

In the US, they are rolling out a banking crisis

Silicon Valley Bank, a bank for startups that went bankrupt, has finally been sold to another bank – First Citizens Bank & Trust. But not completely: the buyer decided not to take the long-term bonds that were asking for the price, but he grabbed the portfolio of any issued loans and other assets in the amount of $72 billion at a discount of up to $16 billion.

TradingView: As they say, help Dasha find on the First Citizens stock quote chart the moment when the dump was announced (hint: this is where the quote goes vertically upwards)

By the way, another affected bank called Signature, which served Kryptan projects, is also being sold in parts and at a discount. At the same time, for some reason, no one wants to take over deposits from crypto-companies – all cryptans are politely asked to exit by April 5.

It turns out that we see a similar picture everywhere: other banks are happy to take the tasty parts of the pie on their balance sheets, but the tasteless ones that they prefer to leave on the plate of the FDIC (deposit insurance agency) – let them deal with these problems there themselves!

By the way, these guys from the FDIC have already officially announced: “Sorry, guys, we’re out $23 billion here with all these deposit refunds – you don’t think we’re going to pay the whole thing ourselves, do you?” Big banks, we are turning to you – prepare your pocket for additional contributions! Well, you understand what I’m going to explain to you: now we’re going to talk about “voluntary one-time donations from businesses”… =)

Pupa and Lupa decided to create two banks…

And also about the banking crisis in the USA: one of the candidates for the next bankruptcy has long been called First Republic Bank, which also has a full balance sheet of long-term bonds that were requested due to the rise in interest rates. And you know who suffers the most from this? Another bank called Republic First Bancorp!

No seriously, investors in the States don’t particularly understand the order in which the words in the name of the banks go, which is why the shares of the second, innocent bank fell by almost half in March.

The poor bank even had to publish an official press release on its website, which literally says “Guys, to be honest, we are NOT First Republic Bank, the problem is not ours!”

Thomas Geisel (CEO Republic First) here is clearly trying to say “learn to read first, Mom’s traders, ypt!”. And this is another anecdote about Pupa and Lupa, they probably didn’t tell him…

Everyone is bombarded by artificial intelligence

Elon Musk, Steve Wozniak, Yuval Noah Harari and a bunch of other people have signed a petition that experiments with artificial intelligence (AI) should be stopped for six months – well, to try to understand whether we are preparing a wonderwaffle with our own hands that will destroy us all.

Here, Elon Musk tells Revva: “Cyborgs… they will flood the planet!”

Meanwhile, Eliezer Yudkowsky (a rationalist widely known in narrow circles, who has been trumpeting the existential risks of II for 20 years) finally revealed himself: he gave a long interview to Lex Friedman and wrote a column in Time magazine with a proposal to do something more radical – to start bombing in any points unregistered video card clusters, which theories can be used to train AI.

Yudkovsky’s article greatly inflamed many people; True, the majority of critics limited themselves to the argument “lol, this dude has a lot of cuckoo!”, but for some reason, not many got to the attempts to understand in detail his train of thoughts and find counterarguments, why exactly this delusion. (If you have seen this, feel free to post a link in the comments.)

By the way, the press secretary of the White House was asked a question with a quote from Yudkovsky about “if we make a super-intelligent AI, then literally all people on Earth will die” – the official answer of the White House currently looks like “ahahahaha, wait, are you guys for real? ! ))”

On Thursday, we plan to release a long-awaited long-read on the safety of artificial intelligence – there we will reveal the topic in much more detail, wait!

The US filed a package of charges against the largest crypto exchange, Binance

…but I wrote a separate article about it, you better read it!

Sam Bankman-Fried has not yet started his sentence, and new ideas about increasing the term continue to emerge

The curly-haired crypto maverick Sam Bankman-Fried is already sitting under the canopy of criminal articles, which are enough to spend more than 100 years behind bars. But he is periodically thrown all kinds of new ones – so that, of course, he does not relax. Last week, for example, he was charged with bribing a Chinese official in the amount of $40 million.

The journalists also revealed, so to speak, Polishinel’s secret: that SBF most likely pays its lawyers (the most expensive in the US) from funds stolen from FTX clients. Well, that is, once he pumped them from FTX to his Alameda fund, and from there he donated at least ten million dollars to his father – for a rainy day. And this day has come!

Judging this cheerful young man at the beginning of October – six months of everything left to suffer!

The Kryptans have learned the DAT of the American legal system

There was such a crypto-protocol bZx, which was hacked for $55 million (because its crooked developer liked to call on any left links and caught a virus).

To be honest, you won’t surprise the Kryptans with this case. Another thing is more interesting: users of the protocol who lost money sued everyone who had BZRX tokens in their wallets, which give the right to manage the decentralized organization bZx DAO – this, relatively speaking, can be considered an analogue of a legal entity on the blockchain.

At this moment, the cryptans with BZRX in their wallets tensed up and said to the judge: “Brothers, what are we here for, we stupidly bought these tokens and didn’t do anything terrible, right?” And the judge answered them: “Soryan, we will now judge you harshly, and during the process we will decide whether you are guilty or not.” Think about what you buy next time!”

Overall, the moral is this: it looks like all Kryptans who participate in any of the DAOs are potentially either fined or jailed. Sorry for the bad news!

Good news of the week

From 2026, Russians will be able to use the Internet at the North Pole: it will be provided there by the Skif satellites from Glonass. How do you feel, Elon Musk?!

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